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Uh-uh, don't touch that dial!

I must offer to you a confession,
I like movies that give me a fright.
If the subject is horror, I got to see more or
I won't be contented all night.
You may call it my ghoulish obsession,
It's a subject on which I get chatty.
But the worst one it seems, haunting all of my dreams
Was the cockroach that ate Cincinnati!

I've seen ghouls and hobgoblins and witches
And some moth-eaten werewolves with fangs.
There were creatures that chattered and others that clattered,
And Japanese monsters with fangs (ah-so).
Frankenstein gives me the shakes,
And Count Dracula's driving me batty.
But they're not on a par with the worst one by far
The cockroach that ate Cincinnati (ha ha ha ha)!

Oh, he must have needed a seltzer.
It's amazing how much he got down!
For lunch, he'd just chew up a suburb or two,
And for dinner, he ate the whole town (BURP! ).
Willard just sent me out laughing,
I thought Ben looked a little bit ratty (sorry, sorry about that),
But they're not half as bad as the worst scare I've had -
The Cockroach that ate Cincinnati!

Oh, my heart nearly stopped; he would never be topped -
The cockroach that ate Cincinnati! OLE!