Stephen Sondheim Follow

MS. LOVETT: Seems a downright shame... TODD (spoken): Shame? MS. LOVETT: Seems an awful waste... Such a nice plump frame Wots his name has Had...has... Nor he can't be traced Business needs a lift Debts to be erased Think of it as thrift, as a gift If you get my drift Seems and awful waste I mean...with the price of meat wot it is When you get it, if you get it TODD: Ah... MS. LOVETT: Good you got it Take for instance Ms. Mooney and her pie shop Business never better using only pussy cats and toast Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste (simultaneously) TODD: Ms. Lovett, what a charming notion Eminently practical MS. LOVETT: Well it does seem a waste! TODD: And yet appropriate as always Ms. Lovett, how I've lived without you all these years I'll never know! How delectable! Also undetectable! MS. LOVETT: Think about it Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming in for a shave Won't they? Think of All them Pies! TODD: How choice! How rare! For what's the sound of the world out there? MS. LOVETT: What Mr. Todd, what Mr. Todd What is that sound? TODD: Those crunching noises pervading the air! MS. LOVETT: Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes Mr. Todd Yes all around TODD: It's man devouring man, my dear! BOTH: Then who are we to deny it in here? TODD (spoken): These are desperate times, Ms. Lovett And desperate measures are called for MS. LOVETT: Here we are. Hot out of the oven TODD: What is that? MS. LOVETT: Its priest Have a little priest TODD: Is it really good? MS. LOVETT: Sir, it's too good, at least Then again they don't commit sins of the flesh So it's pretty fresh TODD: Awful lot of fat MS. LOVETT: Only where it sat TODD: Haven't you got poet or something like that? MS. LOVETT: No you see the trouble with poet Is how do you know it's deceased? Try the priest! Lawyer's rather nice TODD: If it's for a price MS. LOVETT: Order something else, though, to follow Since no one should swallow it twice TODD: Anything that's lean? MS. LOVETT: Well then if you're British and loyal You might enjoy royal marine Anyway it's clean Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been! TODD: Is that squire on the fire? MS. LOVETT: Mercy no, sir, look closer You'll notice its grocer! TODD: Looks thicker, more like vicar MS. LOVETT: No, it has to be grocer It's green! TODD: The history of the world, my love MS. LOVETT: Save a lot of graves Do a lot of relatives favors TODD: Is those below serving those up above! MS. LOVETT: Everybody shaves so there should be plenty of flavors TODD: How gratifying for once to know BOTH: That those above will serve those down below TODD (spoken): What is that? MS. LOVETT: It's fop Finest in the shop Or we have some shepherds pie peppered With actual shepherd on top! And I've just begun Is the politician so oily it's served with a doily? Have one! TODD: Put it on a bun Well you never know if it's going to run! MS. LOVETT: Try the friar! Fried, it's drier! TODD: No! The clergy is really too coarse and too mealy! MS. LOVETT: Then actor! It's compacter! TODD: Ah, but always arrives overdone (spoken) I'll come again when you have judge on the menu Have charity towards the world, my pet! MS. LOVETT: Yes, yes, I know, my love TODD: We'll take the customers that we can get! MS. LOVETT: High-born and low, my love! TODD: We'll not discriminate great from small No, we'll serve anyone (simultaneously) MS. LOVETT: We'll serve anyone! TODD: Meaning anyone! BOTH: And to anyone At all!

MS. LOVETT: Seems a downright shame... TODD (spoken): Shame? MS. LOVETT: Seems an awful waste... Such a nice plump frame Wots his name has Had...has... Nor he can't be traced Business needs a lift Debts to be erased Think of it as thrift, as a gift If you get my drift Seems and awful waste I mean...with the price of meat wot it is When you get it, if you get it TODD: Ah... MS. LOVETT: Good you got it Take for instance Ms. Mooney and her pie shop Business never better using only pussy cats and toast Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste (simultaneously) TODD: Ms. Lovett, what a charming notion Eminently practical MS. LOVETT: Well it does seem a waste! TODD: And yet appropriate as always Ms. Lovett, how I've lived without you all these years I'll never know! How delectable! Also undetectable! MS. LOVETT: Think about it Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming in for a shave Won't they? Think of All them Pies! TODD: How choice! How rare! For what's the sound of the world out there? MS. LOVETT: What Mr. Todd, what Mr. Todd What is that sound? TODD: Those crunching noises pervading the air! MS. LOVETT: Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes Mr. Todd Yes all around TODD: It's man devouring man, my dear! BOTH: Then who are we to deny it in here? TODD (spoken): These are desperate times, Ms. Lovett And desperate measures are called for MS. LOVETT: Here we are. Hot out of the oven TODD: What is that? MS. LOVETT: Its priest Have a little priest TODD: Is it really good? MS. LOVETT: Sir, it's too good, at least Then again they don't commit sins of the flesh So it's pretty fresh TODD: Awful lot of fat MS. LOVETT: Only where it sat TODD: Haven't you got poet or something like that? MS. LOVETT: No you see the trouble with poet Is how do you know it's deceased? Try the priest! Lawyer's rather nice TODD: If it's for a price MS. LOVETT: Order something else, though, to follow Since no one should swallow it twice TODD: Anything that's lean? MS. LOVETT: Well then if you're British and loyal You might enjoy royal marine Anyway it's clean Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been! TODD: Is that squire on the fire? MS. LOVETT: Mercy no, sir, look closer You'll notice its grocer! TODD: Looks thicker, more like vicar MS. LOVETT: No, it has to be grocer It's green! TODD: The history of the world, my love MS. LOVETT: Save a lot of graves Do a lot of relatives favors TODD: Is those below serving those up above! MS. LOVETT: Everybody shaves so there should be plenty of flavors TODD: How gratifying for once to know BOTH: That those above will serve those down below TODD (spoken): What is that? MS. LOVETT: It's fop Finest in the shop Or we have some shepherds pie peppered With actual shepherd on top! And I've just begun Is the politician so oily it's served with a doily? Have one! TODD: Put it on a bun Well you never know if it's going to run! MS. LOVETT: Try the friar! Fried, it's drier! TODD: No! The clergy is really too coarse and too mealy! MS. LOVETT: Then actor! It's compacter! TODD: Ah, but always arrives overdone (spoken) I'll come again when you have judge on the menu Have charity towards the world, my pet! MS. LOVETT: Yes, yes, I know, my love TODD: We'll take the customers that we can get! MS. LOVETT: High-born and low, my love! TODD: We'll not discriminate great from small No, we'll serve anyone (simultaneously) MS. LOVETT: We'll serve anyone! TODD: Meaning anyone! BOTH: And to anyone At all!