Eric Rockwell & Joanne Bogart Follow

FIRST SCENE:

Mother Abby:
Mornin' Big Willy!
Come to call on June?

Big Willy:
Heck No, Miss Abby!
I ain't no admirer of her, nor you, nor any other woman!
I'm just admirin' the corn...

Abby:
Well, corn is fine, Big Willy, but there's gotta be somethin'
else you've got your eye on

Willy:
That's right, Miss Abby!
I've got my eye on something shimmerin' and twinklin'
and perty as can be!

Abby:
Oh, now you stop flatterin' me, Big Willy!

Willy:
Naw, Miss Abby, it ain't you I got my eye on...
It's the brightest star you ever did see... up in the sky!
She comes out each night and winks at me!

Abby:
Hmm, sound like you're high as an elephant's eye!
Maybe you come by to wink at June...

Willy:
Ha! What use have I got for her?
I got my life all figured out!
Traveling with the carnival, seeing the world, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera!

Abby:
Ha! You youngins don't fool me none!
Never seen two dang fools more in love...
June! Look who's here!

Willy:
Mornin' May!

June:
It's June! And what are you doin' here?

WIlly:
I was just wanderin' around your corn field

June:
Hmm! What's the use of wanderin'?
(Leads into I Couldn't Keer Less About You)

SECOND SCENE:

Narrator:
The landlord enters

June:
Oh! You give me such a fright!
Big WIlly, this is–

Jidder:
They call me...Jidder!

June:
Well, you come to collect the rent I spose...

Jidder:
That's right, Miss High-and-Mighty!
And if I don't collect it by five o'clock today, I'm gonna marry you myself,
You understand?

Willy:
Hey! Leave the little lady alone!

Jidder:
What's it to you? Mr. High-and-Mighty!

Willy:
Well, you cain't up and marry her just 'cause she cain't pay her rent!

Jidder:
Oh, cain't I? It says I cain right here in this lease

Willy:
Huh! That lease'll never hold up in court

Jidder:
Yes it will, and don't call me Liesel!
So, either I see the rent, or I'll see you at the weddin'!
Now, I'm goin' back to my dark and lonely room...
To look at pictures... pictures o' dirty girls! (Exit)

June:
Oh! That Jidder is bad luck! He's a Jink!

WIlly:
It's Jinx... you spell it with an 'x'.

June:
That's only when there's more than one...
And anyway, I guess I'll have to murry him, since you don't love me and I don't love you!

Willy:
OK, OK, OK!

June:
Don't throw OKs at me!

Willy:
Well if that's the way you want it...
So Long!

June:
Farewell!

Willy:
Auf Wiedersehen!

June:
Goodbye!

Both:
I don't love... you!
(Willy exits)

June:
Oh!

Abby:
Oh what's wrong June?

June:
Oh, Abby... Mother Abby... I'm so confused...
Should I follow my heart and marry Big Willy?
Or follow my head and marry Jidder?
(Leads into Follow Your Dream)

THIRD SCENE:

June:
Oh, Big Willy! I knew you'd come! Oh, but it's too late... Jidder and me are already murried!

Jidder:
That's right, Mr. High-and-Mighty! She's mine! It says so right here on this marriage certificate... we're legally wed as of five o'clock today!

June:
Well, I g-g-guess this is g-g-goodbye Big Willy...

Willy:
I g-g-guess so!

June and Willy:
I don't love-

Abby:
Wait! Let me see that marriage certificate! (Jitter hands it to her)
Ha! Why this scrap of paper don't mean nothin'! Haven't y'all heard?
Kansas has adopted daylight savings time!

June, Willy, and Jidder:
Daylight savings time?!

June:
Well then, that means it's only... ten after four! So we ain't murried yet!

Jidder:
But you still gotta pay the rent!

Willy:
I'll pay the rent! ...and well before five o'clock!
(Leads into Daylight Savings Time)