Demetri Martin Follow

Hows the CD? that guy's fucking retarded.
It's always the B string thats the one thats difficult for me.
It's like B stands for bitch string.
I just kicked one of my bells.That's not a good thing to say in life.It's one letter away from being something very painful.You'd have to have giant balls or be very flexible in order to do it.
This is called....Sames and Opposites.
In life there are many things. Some of them are the same and some are opposites.About some of these things i do sing.
A cactus is the opposite of a chair. In my house you can sit anywhere but there, especially if your ass is bare.
A bird house is not the same as a bird home, one is much more comfortable for birds.
Chorus:
These are sames and opposites my friends, which i determined.
A musical is the same as a burlap sack. I would not want to be in either.

A squirrel is the same as a can, when there's a b-b-gun in my hand. Cant you see that i am just a man? With distinctions and comparisons.

Spare change is the same as wedgies for me. I don't give it unless someone is really asking.
Saying I apologize is the same as saying I'm sorry they're the same. Unless you're at a funeral.
To live is the same as to dream. If you do both long enough you'll see. But you have to work in between. Unless you have narcoleptcy.
(that was a boring solo)
Earrings are the same as sneezes. two's OK but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then god bless you.

Chorus:
These are sames and opposites my friends, which i have determined.
A secret admirer is the same as a stalker....with stationary
An ex-girlfriend* is the same as an OK movie. I liked it at the time but i don't want to see it again.Especially if the movie is kind of...a bitch.
Chorus:
These are sames and opposites my friends, which i have determined. So far.