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There's a row going on down near Slough
Get out your mats and pray to the West
I'll get out mine and pray for myself

Thought you were smart when you took them on
But you didn't take a peep in their artillery room
All that rugby puts hairs on your chest
What chance have you got against a tie and a crest?

Hello-hurrah
What a nice day for the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles
Hello-hurrah
I hope rain stops play for the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles

Thought you were clever when you lit the fuse
Tore down the House of Commons in your brand new shoes
Composed a revolutionary symphony
Then went to bed with a charming young thing

Hello-hurrah
Cheers then mate, it's the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles
Hello-hurrah
An extremist scrape with the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles

What a catalyst you turned out to be
Loaded the guns then you run off home for your tea
Left me standing like a guilty schoolboy

What a catalyst you turned out to be
Loaded the guns then you run off home for your tea
Left me standing like a naughty schoolboy

We came out of it, naturally the worst
Beaten and bloody, and I was sick down my shirt
We were no match for their untamed wit
Though some of the lads said they'd be back next week

Hello-hurrah
It's the price to price to pay to the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles
Hello-hurrah
I'd prefer the plague to the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles

Hello-hurrah
It's the price to pay to the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles
Hello-hurrah
I'd prefer the plague to the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles

Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles
Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles

There's a row going on down near Slough
Get out your mats and pray to the West