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A Quick One / Happy Jack
Doctor, Doctor
Doctor, there's something wrong with me
My health is not all that it used to be
My heart is out of beat, I got chokers on my feet
My eyesight's getting dimmer, I can't see

Doctor thanks for seeing me today, I'm glad,
I've got every sickness there is to be had
I had whooping cough last month
And today I've got the mumps
And tomorrow I'll catch chicken pox as well.

Doctor doctor doctor make me well
I've not got long to go now I can tell
Doctor doctor doctor make me well
I've not got long to go I can tell
I've not got long to go I can tell

Those pills I took have no effect at all
Just the other day I had a nasty fall
And I think I broke my jaw when it hit the kitchen floor
And I'm shrinking last week I was five foot four

I've been getting shivers lately, is it flu?
I know the bug is going round, what can I do?
It's about to pick on me, I've still got the other three
Do you think I caught smallpox I'd get flu?

[chorus]

Do you think it's time that I made out my will?
I'll leave everything to you to pay my bill
Just how long is there to go
Please tell me I want to know
But on second thoughts don't tell me, I'm too ill.

A Quick One / Happy Jack
Doctor, Doctor