Albert Hague & Arnold B. Horwitt Follow

In natural history, every he
When wanting a particular she
Can always find a way to tell her so
The cricket chirps
The penguin struts
The monkey tosses coconuts
The bullfrog makes a noise like Vaughn Monroe
What’s true of bird and bee
Applies to people equally
Except for my particular Romeo

He may adore me, how would I know?
If I’m the light of his life, it doesn’t show
I go through the motions, but I’m well aware
It’s a helluva way to run a love affair

He doesn’t tingle whenever we meet
Our love has all of the thrill of shredded wheat
We never run barefoot through each other’s hair
It’s a helluva way to run a love affair

Some lucky lovers have a talent for romance
Hackensack can seem like Paris, France
I have a true love with a different kind of knack
He turns Paris into Hackensack

I’m not suggesting he isn’t A-1
He has a character like George Washington
But when will my Georgie cross the Delaware
It’s a helluva way to run a love affair

One enchanted evening
In my quiet living room
Candlelit and heavy with perfume
Love songs I played him
That sent shivers down his spine
And he fell in love with Oscar Hammerstein

For no good reason I’m hanging around
There must be some other fish that can be found
I’m stuck with the one I’m stuck on C'est la gare
My trustworthy loyal helpful friendly square
It’s a helluva way to run a love affair